The True Story of Humpty Dumpty – A Fractured Fairy Tale

Careful to balance on his fragile knee, Humpty Dumpty gazed into the stunning brown eyes of Ms. Bacon, soon to become Mrs. Bacon. 

“Penny Bacon,” Humpty sighed, articulating each consonant as clear as day. “I have loved you since we first met in the small town of Breakfastville. Since then, I have been elated and no longer insecure about my fragile self. We have come so far since then, moving to the capital of Food Land and designing a life that many desire. We have had so many good times together which I hope I can continue to have throughout the rest of my life. So I ask you: Will you be my wife?”

Humpty watched in awe as pools of grease welled up in Penny’s eyes. 

“I have felt the same way for the longest of times,” Penny sniffed. “Of course, Humpty, I will marry you.” 

They exchanged a loving glance, and then ran to embrace. 

Later that day, Humpty walked to the capital to buy supplies for a picnic. Humpty shot another quick glance at his list, promising himself he wouldn’t miss a thing. His plan was to prepare red rose petals, a checkered picnic blanket, and the fanciest of water jelly for him and Penny to enjoy.

Placing each foot carefully, Humpty waddled toward the castle wall. A soldier guarding the entrance held out his spear. “I.D.?” Humpty flashed the orange shell piece in his hand. Nodding, but unable to hide his surprise at the color of the eggshell, the soldier stepped aside. 

Humpty browsed through the market, feeling heads turn to look at the orange eggshell in his hand. He suddenly became aware of his black leather shoes tapping smartly on the cobblestones, and the market quieting as they stepped aside to let through the well dressed gentlemen who they all knew as Humpty Dumpty. He felt the gaze of everyone turn to the large faded poster on the castle wall.

It read: “Your eggshell I.D. must be in your hand at all times. It tells soldiers if you have power and money in society. Orange: Wealthy and Powerful. Gray: Soldier. Green: Middle Class. Blue: Peasant.” Humpty felt his cheeks turn a deep shade of rouge as he looked around to a sea of gray, green and blue eggshells. Quickening his step, he slipped into a nearby flower tent.

“If it isn’t Humpty Dumpty,” a figure hissed, turning himself to reveal his face. 

He slipped out of the flowers, taking a large step toward Humpty. 

“Greetings, Reginald.” 

Humpty resisted the urge to scowl. Waving his gray shell, Reginald advanced with his spear in hand. 

“Enjoying all the public attention?” Reginald asked, gesturing to the orange eggshell clenched in Humpty’s fist. 

Humpty sighed. 

“Why are you like this, Reginald? You’re the reason I have to live outside the castle walls. Because you convinced the General I’m a robber.”

Reginald smirked. “I am quite proud of that. But it doesn’t matter. Nobody believes that story anymore. And let me guess. Your relationship with Penny is on the rocks?”

“Actually, Reginald, we’re getting married. And I’m surprising her with a picnic today.”

Reginald’s face darkened like a storm cloud. His face twisted to reveal his contorted anger, but Humpty could tell he was fighting to stay cool. Of their short conversation, he knew those simple words had affected the spiteful soldier the most. 

Reginald suddenly thrust Humpty aside, causing him to stumble and almost fall.

“I’ll be off then. Until we meet again,” Reginald growled, slipping out of the tent.

After making several quick trips around the market, Humpty headed to his favorite spot to set up the picnic. He slowly ascended a ladder to his favorite castle wall. The walls all around Breakfastville were made to be a few hundred feet in height, made to obscure the city from the view or invasion of outsiders. This one in particular, the wall facing West, was Humpty’s favorite. He was often seen carefully ascending the wooden ladder. 

The view was stunning, with a clear sight of Humpty’s house, along with the beautiful forest outside the wall. He had a bird’s eye view of the inside of the wall as well, displaying the colorful market with carts, stands and tents. Cottages and homes made out of assorted foods littered the sides of cobblestone paved roads.

At the center of Breakfastville lay the Breakfast Castle, where all the king’s horses and men stayed. Its gleaming white towers and brilliant marble finish outshone all the surrounding structures. On streets and sidewalks, Humpty could distinctly see a variety of foods walking around, doing errands and daily tasks. 

He laid out his checkered blanket, flowers, and water jelly atop the thick stones. He sat on the wall, watching the glow of the afternoon sun begin to dim. I should go call Penny now,” Humpty thought. “We should be here just in time for the sunset.

He turned around, prepared to begin the slow, heedful, descent of the ladder. Suddenly, he jumped back in surprise.

The familiar but despised face of Reginald was glaring back at him.

“Oh, Humpty Dumpty,” Reginald sneered. “How foolish you are to tell me you are having a picnic. I know you would pick your favorite spot.” A devilish grin appeared on Reginald’s face. “Oh what a shame, I will have to inform Penny that the famous Humpty Dumpty has gone missing.” He grinned. “Penny Bacon is mine. And she always will be.”

Humpty Dumpty struggled to find words at Reginald’s cruelty. He opened his mouth, letting out a feeble gasp. 

“Penny will never love you.”

Reginald’s face darkened at the words. Ascending the final few rungs of the ladder, he held out his hands. Sweeping Humpty’s feet out under him, he swung his arm, forcing Humpty to skid atop the stones, and then…

Off the edge.

The air whizzed by as Humpty desperately flailed his arms, looking for anything to grab onto. But the expanse of the sky around him was empty, and Humpty had finally lost all hope. He accelerated, and rolling in the air, finally landed with a crash upon the solid ground.

The pain shot up Humpty’s spine. He instantly felt the excruciating pain, and then went numb. What was left of his shell was crushed into a million miniscule pieces, and the shell under him was reduced merely to a white powder. He looked around at his crushed shell, which had already scattered across the ground, and felt his egg whites leaking. He grew fainter by the minute, and he knew somewhere hundreds of feet above him Reginald was watching with glee. Unable to fight the sudden fatigue, he closed his eyes.

Hours later, Humpty awoke to shouts. 

“Here he is!” Projected Reginald’s voice. “I was patrolling the borders when I found him. He must have fallen off of the wall.”

Humpty mustered up the strength to turn onto his side and found that a crowd had gathered before him. They let out a series of gasps at his condition. 

Reginald met Humpty’s gaze with his cold, gray eyes and his mouth twitched, almost as if he was fighting a smile. 

The city general stood at the front of the crowd. “Let’s get to work!” he bellowed. Gather the shell and see if we can put him back together!”

The soldiers began hurrying back and forth, tying the king’s horses to trees and picking up the eggshell shards. Humpty watched Penny Bacon fight her way through the crowd. “Humpty!” she gasped. “I’m so glad Reginald found you. I was worried sick.” Humpty opened his mouth to respond, but found that his face was immobilized by the fall. He gazed into Penny’s stunning eyes, and then closed his heavy eyelids.

When Humpty awoke, the world around him was silent. It was a miracle that he was alive, but even then, he had no hope. The early hours of the day had begun, and he found that Ms. Bacon and the soldiers had left, likely assuming he was dead. As he lay there with his strength fading once more, he knew this time if he closed his eyes, he would never open them again. With this conclusion lay a great fear; so Humpty fought with all his might to stay awake.

Mid-afternoon was scorching hot; Humpty found that he was overheating. He lay there baking in the afternoon sun, and though it was hot, he felt that the sun soothed his pain and broken bones. Strangely, as it got hotter and hotter, he began to gain back strength.

Astonishingly, Humpty wiggled his fingers and toes. He had again become a defined shape! Could it be? Could Humpty Dumpty possibly have overheated so much that he was cooked into a fried egg? Suddenly gathering hope, he gained the courage to attempt to sit up.

Rolling over onto his back, he squeezed his core, assisting the upward movement with his hands. After several tries, he was able to sit up. Suddenly, he felt his strength come in full force, propelling him upwards. He could not only sit, but he could stand!

He stood up shakily, finding himself mobile and healthy, but a different shape. Humpty cheered, his shouts of joy echoing in the vast forest behind him. He spun around in joy, suddenly losing control and falling flat on his chest. Humpty froze in fear. He had just recovered and could not risk another injury. To his surprise, he experienced no cracks. As a fried egg, safety was no longer a concern!

With a newfound freedom, Humpty experienced what it was like to run, to skip, to twirl. And with every fall, he was able to get right back up again. Elated, he raced toward home, knowing that his soon to be wife would be there. As for Reginald, he could no longer harm Humpty. Humpty did not fear him anymore. With his less delicate build and a lovely wife, nothing would get in the way. I am Humpty Dumpty, he thought. The miraculous fried egg.

Epilogue 

Humpty turned his head up to the clear blue sky, breathing in the cool air around him. The moment he had waited for for so long had finally arrived. Joining hands with his beloved wife, he strutted proudly down the aisle. He glanced into the crowds where the entirety of the kingdom had gathered, sweeping the teeming hall for who had once been his enemy.

Deciding that he would find him eventually, Humpty turned to his true love. He spoke a thousand beautiful words with one glance; words to describe beauty, happiness, tranquility. She returned the look, and without saying, they knew they felt the same way about each other.

As they approached the podium, Humpty was unable to suppress a wide grin. He had finally reached the moment which he had dreamed about since he had met Mrs. Bacon. After exchanging vows, the preacher lifted his glasses, smiling warmly.

“I now pronounce you husband and wife.”

The noise after the words were deafening. The entire hall erupted into a roar, raising their water glasses in celebration. Humpty swooped down to pick up his wife, delivering a final kiss, causing the crowd to cheer louder. 

They interlocked arms, sauntering proudly into the crowd, who gave them handshakes, hugs, and celebratory wishes. 

Food arrived in ample supplies. Great big dishes of water jelly, water slabs, and water cake were served. Along with the staples, servers dressed in suits offered water beverages, desserts, and snacks.

While strolling around the hall and bartering with guests, Humpty finally spotted Reginald, who was serving water quiche and fancy water jelly in small portions. He had a blank expression on his face. Although he appeared emotionless, Humpty knew he was far from how he appeared to feel.

He ambled over to him, taking a quiche and a jelly off Reginald’s tray. Thanking him, Humpty shook his hand profusely. Walking away, he saw a faint flicker of surprise at the lack of gloating flash across Reginald’s face. Humpty knew very well he did not need to gloat, and he had risen higher than that level. The act of carelessness and ignorance was enough; he knew that it was the painful silence that tortured Reginald so.

Smiling at how his life had panned out perfectly, he wandered around the party, spotting his newly wedded wife and running to join hands once more.